Saturday, December 10, 2011

Difficult Week

This week has been a very difficult and emotional week. As most of you know, I have been seeing a natural family planning doctor for about six months to help figure out why I cannot get pregnant again. Well, after many tests we found out my estrogen was high and my progesterone was low. So we fixed that with oral medication and monthly shots and low and behold, I got pregnant again! We were shocked to say the least as it happened the first month that we tried the shots along with the oral medication. I had to take a blood test to find out I was pregnant as the shots I was giving myself were HCG which would have shown a postitive pregnancy on a urine pregnancy test whether I was or wasn't pregnant. I had all the preliminary bloodwork done and everything came back great! That was good news. Then I had my first ultrasound and we got to see the tiny baby and what we thought was a beating heart but it was a little too early to tell (5weeks6days). A few days after my first ultrasound I started spotting so I called my doctor. He had me come in and do bloodwork and do another ultrasound. By the time I got to the ultrasound I was bleeding, not just spotting so I thought for sure I had miscarried. The ultrasound technician looked at me immediately and said, "there is still a heartbeat and it is good." This completely shocked me as with all the bleeding I just knew I had miscarried. I cried all the way home I was so happy! I knew this was going to work this time. The following day my doctor wanted me to have an office visit with him to go over why I am bleeding and try to fix the problem. We found out my progesterone had dropped from 48 down to 5 even with giving myself progesterone shots twice a week. Then he did an exam and began to see things that lead him to issue another order for an ultrasound. He told me he thought I might have miscarried between that day and the day before. I thought he was crazy, I just saw the heartbeat yesterday. I headed back over to the ultrasound facility and the tech didn't talk to me at all. I knew from her actions that it wasn't good. After looking at what she needed to see, she left the room and said that my doctor would be calling me on the phone in the room. At that point, I knew it was over. The phone rang and I could tell just by his voice it was bad news. He said that there was no longer a heartbeat and that I had miscarried the baby. Everything he said after that was a blurr. I can't tell you how hard it is for me to hear those words, "there is no longer a heartbeat." This is now the 3rd time I have heard those exact words and they ring in my head all the time.

To say the least, this has been a very difficult week. From the high of hearing the heartbeat of the baby you are carrying to the low of not hearing a heartbeat of the baby you are carrying is devastating.


You are wondering what plagiocephaly means right? Plagiocephaly is the asymmetrical distortion or "flattening" of the skull. Mr. Sam was diagnosed with plagiocephaly over the past few months. It has been something that we have noticed since he was about 3 months old but thought that the right back portion of his skull would fill out once he started sitting up and not laying on his head so much. After several months of monitoring and repositioning, the doctor thought it would be best that we see a specialist to have him fitted for a DOC-band helmet. We took him to a facility to have his head scanned to find out just how much difference the right side was from the left. Most people didn't even notice the difference unless we pointed it out. We really noticed it when he was taking a bath and his hair was wet. His poor little head was completely flat! After doing the scan, they found that the difference was about 12mm, therefore, a helmet was recommended for us to see any future change. We thought long and hard whether to go through with it or not as it was considered cosmetic so insurance didn't pay for the helmet. And let me tell you, the helmet is not cheap!! After much consideration, and thinking of Sammy going bald and having to deal with a flat head, we decided to go ahead and proceed. He was fitted for the helmet and it arrived about 2 weeks later. We took baby steps introducing the helmet to him. The first day he wore it 1 hour and had it of for 1 hour. This proceeded for about 6 days until he was finally wearing it full time (23 hours/day). I think this introduction is more for the parents, Sammy didn't seem to mind it at all but it made me cry seeing him in it the first week!!! He has now been wearing it for about 3 weeks and he doesn't even notice it at all. It has grown on me as well. We doctored it up with construction stickers and painted a "under construction" sign on the back. It is super cute and he looks great in it. We had our first appointment with the orthotic specialist last week and he has already improved to a 8mm difference. They are hoping to get him down to 3-4mm difference so we are half way there! We are hoping that he won't have to wear the helmet more than 3-4 months. I am really glad we decided to go ahead with it and I know Sammy will appreciate it one day when it is cool to shave his head (or he goes bald!)