Saturday, December 10, 2011

Difficult Week

This week has been a very difficult and emotional week. As most of you know, I have been seeing a natural family planning doctor for about six months to help figure out why I cannot get pregnant again. Well, after many tests we found out my estrogen was high and my progesterone was low. So we fixed that with oral medication and monthly shots and low and behold, I got pregnant again! We were shocked to say the least as it happened the first month that we tried the shots along with the oral medication. I had to take a blood test to find out I was pregnant as the shots I was giving myself were HCG which would have shown a postitive pregnancy on a urine pregnancy test whether I was or wasn't pregnant. I had all the preliminary bloodwork done and everything came back great! That was good news. Then I had my first ultrasound and we got to see the tiny baby and what we thought was a beating heart but it was a little too early to tell (5weeks6days). A few days after my first ultrasound I started spotting so I called my doctor. He had me come in and do bloodwork and do another ultrasound. By the time I got to the ultrasound I was bleeding, not just spotting so I thought for sure I had miscarried. The ultrasound technician looked at me immediately and said, "there is still a heartbeat and it is good." This completely shocked me as with all the bleeding I just knew I had miscarried. I cried all the way home I was so happy! I knew this was going to work this time. The following day my doctor wanted me to have an office visit with him to go over why I am bleeding and try to fix the problem. We found out my progesterone had dropped from 48 down to 5 even with giving myself progesterone shots twice a week. Then he did an exam and began to see things that lead him to issue another order for an ultrasound. He told me he thought I might have miscarried between that day and the day before. I thought he was crazy, I just saw the heartbeat yesterday. I headed back over to the ultrasound facility and the tech didn't talk to me at all. I knew from her actions that it wasn't good. After looking at what she needed to see, she left the room and said that my doctor would be calling me on the phone in the room. At that point, I knew it was over. The phone rang and I could tell just by his voice it was bad news. He said that there was no longer a heartbeat and that I had miscarried the baby. Everything he said after that was a blurr. I can't tell you how hard it is for me to hear those words, "there is no longer a heartbeat." This is now the 3rd time I have heard those exact words and they ring in my head all the time.

To say the least, this has been a very difficult week. From the high of hearing the heartbeat of the baby you are carrying to the low of not hearing a heartbeat of the baby you are carrying is devastating.

1 comment:

  1. Meagan, I truly believe that God has a plan for you and Glen, and that you will be very surprised one day when you look back and see it how his plan was to play out in your life. This was an extremly hard day for us all, when we were all so very excited one day, and then heart broken the next. Thank God you are so very strong with your faith. I find myself leaning on you to get through some of these sad days we have had. You have helped me so much, without even knowing you have. You are a blessing!