March 15, 2011

We got back to the nursery in time for Sam's next feeding. We were told to knock on the door and the nurses would let me in. I knocked on the door and the nurse on duty asked who I was. I told her and she said, "something happened last night, have you spoken to the BM yet?" My heart immediately dropped and I began to panic. Those words are not something that you say to a mother who has already lost a child. The thoughts racing through our minds were that something happened to Sam or that the BM had changed her mind. The nurse then said the hospital messed up and they shouldn't have issued me a band to have access into the nursery, even though the BM had wanted me to have it. They said that it could pressure the BM to place the baby for adoption and that it was not allowed in their hospital. Then the nurse cut the band off of me and said that the only way we could see Sam was if he was in the room with the BM. We left the nursery and I was in tears. How could this happen? How can our baby be in the nursery with no parent to care for him? He needed us.

We called our social worker and told her and she was aware of the situation and was trying to resolve it if possible. In the meantime, we had brought BM breakfast so we went to her room to see her. She had just woken up and was told in the middle of the night of what had happened. She was terribly upset that we weren't allowed to see him so she kindly had Sam brought into her room for us to care for him there. I was completely amazed at her generousity as she didn't have to do that and I can't imagine how hard that had to be for her to be with him in the room all day.

Sam was brought to the room and we fed him, held him and changed his diapers there for several hours. We then left the hospital fairly early that evening to have dinner and finally go to sleep. We had been up around 48 hours at this point with one hour of sleep.

On our way to dinner, the attorney called to see how things were going. She was thrilled about things but still said there is no garantees. She told us that she would be arriving early in the morning at the hospital to do the psychological evaluation on BM and have another attorney present for BM. She said that she would keep us updated by text and to not arrive to the hospital until after noon that next morning. We headed back to our hotel and slept like babies!